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We generally think of trauma as "BIG T" Trauma; Something Really Bad has happened, or someone has witnessed Something Really Bad. For example: witnessing or experiencing violent acts, natural disasters, etc.

"Small t" trauma are psychological stressors made worse with long term exposure. These things can include, divorce, bullying, unstable finances, housing insecurity, discrimination, etc 

Systemic and individualized racism, misogyny, homophobia, transphobia,  antisemitism, emotional and physical neglect, fall into both categories,

While many of these things can and do sometimes overlap, it is important to remember that they are valid on their own. 

The most commonly known trauma responses are: fight, flight, fawn, or freeze. Long term unaddressed trauma can create anxiety, behavioral changes, health issues, and changes with cognitive function. 

Because everyone has different responses and different coping mechanisms, sometimes we see outward expressions of suppressed emotion that look like something else. Behaviors such as "laziness", aggression, frustration, agitation, anger, denial and avoidance for example. Avoidance may even seem friendly, like deflecting with humor, asking a question or redirecting the conversation to another subject. 

When this happens with a client or patient, we may never know the cause of the issue. Nor should we unless we're trained to deal with trauma. When it occirs with someone we know, we know the cause, we may not. 

So what do we do?

The trauma-informed model is a guide to helping the person and not letting big emotions get in the way. 

It's not "I can't help you until you calm down". It's "I'm going to help you no matter what. It'll be easier if you tell me what's going on. Let's sit for a minute and regroup. Do you need some water, a snack or to sit by yourself for a minute?

Sure it takes a few extra minutes -and- that's the same amount of time, maybe even less, that would have been spent talking about why they shouldn't be upset or by telling them "calm down". (Cuz that always goes over well!)

The point is, judging the response, we not only may have taken up more valuable time, we may have also harmed the relationship when we had an opportunity 

to build one. 

Want to learn more about building trust through trauma-informed care? Click HERE to set a free appointment or HERE to access the "bookstore"